another side of me

Thursday, October 12, 2006

i really really wish people wouldnt be so controlled by their moods.
by how they were feeling.
people are just different.
and sometimes we just expect too much of them.
but people do change.
and sometimes i hope they do change.
for friendship's sake or for whatever relationship's sake.
im willing to do that and have done that thousands of times.
sacrificing
being out there for a friend.
but when i hope people do the same.
they dont.
this world is just so unfair.
it feels like everything is my fault.

i know life is unfair.

im glad im gonna work.
not bcos of the money.
but bcos i can give people a break.
guess one day just aint enough.
spending time is less important to some.
less important as compared to money.
i think money isnt more important.
cos as much as we think we have all the time in the world.
there is always tomorrow.
tomorrow may never come for some.
and people dont often get to hear the things they wanna when they have the chance to.
im just glad i can give people a break.
got something to keep me busy and put my mind off other stuff.
vivo city here i come.

i always ask myself
would i regret treating that certain person this way if they were to die tomorrow.
would i regret doing this or not doing this.
and whatever i expect from others i must be able to do it myself.

i just dont understand why things are always this way.

i hate to disappoint people.
and i hate to be disappointed by others as well.

training was alright.
fitness was not enough to kill me yet.
though we did rounds around the field.
many rounds.
and suicide for warm down.
i hate fitness.
selections for ips just come nearer and nearer.
competition is so strong.
being chosen for under19 selection doesnt make it any better.
it doesnt mean i've got a place in the team.
but rather it makes me wanna prove myself even more on the field that i deserve to even receive that mail.
the right foot doesnt make it any easier.
it still hurts. alot.
but who cares right?
pfft.
have no idea whats wrong with it.
im just supposed to be a strong girl
and a sports player to just bear with it and not expect anyone to care.
cos showing it hurts and asked to be exempted from training drills just show that im weak.
others may just think its an excuse im using to slack.
i dont wanna go to the doctor.
i just need to be showered with lotsa love and care.
thats all.

its been a trying day.
goodnight world.