another side of me

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

we have different ways of making ourselves feel better
when we're hurt upset angry frustrated or whatever.
and sometimes we dont understand others way of doing it or letting it out.
and we are in no position to criticise cos we dont know what goes through their minds and how they are feeling.
nor get them to stop doing what they're doing.
unless it's unhealthy.

my way of letting it out is by crying.
and many people simply dont understand.
when something happens
alot goes through my mind.
that train of thoughts is never ending.
and crying makes me feel a whole lot better.
i like to be the cheerful self that everybody sees me as.
but sometimes it's just so hard to keep that mask on
and hold back the tears.

why do people criticise and try to stop others from letting it out?
why do they spend so much effort on that instead of making that person feel better?

it's just so hard trying to expect and hope and make myself feel better and be optimistic all at once when something happens.
it gets tiring.
sometimes i just wish to have someone who will always be there.
who can read my thoughts.
and understand what im going through.
who will not judge and be critical.
but just be there to make me feel all better the way it works for me.

we may sometimes think we found that right person who will always be there.
but then again
they're human.
they're imperfect just like ourselves.
and they will just prove you wrong time and time again.

if only crying doesnt make your eyes all puffy and swollen and make your face turn red.
and make me lose my double eyelids.

i wish i could be in your shoes to show you what i would do.
but then maybe i would be a different person.

dont get to see the reactions
dont get to hear the words
dont get to feel the emotions
that i need to heal the wounds.

thanks littlest friend.